Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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