i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
