How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize