She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
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I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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