im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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