I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
