You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
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So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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