Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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