Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
