I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
