Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
send nudes
from the living room?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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