Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
