dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
