if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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