So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
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My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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