hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
