i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
