I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
