it wasn't lemon gatorade
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My ass is underappreciated
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
