Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
