Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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