he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
its liver damage thursday
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
