the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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