Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
