Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
