But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need a burrito and a hug.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
