the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it penis luge time yet?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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