So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
