now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
