I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
