No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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