When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
