If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
