Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
