You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
