My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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