I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
