There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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