Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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