im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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