every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize