you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
