it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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