whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
