I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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