i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Alive.
So much puke
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
