i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
