I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
