Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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