I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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