pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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