The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
